look on the bright side

Stay positive.

Most of you who see this blog have never met me personally, but if you do know me, you might find the simple statement above to be a bit ironic. Historically, although I'd like to think of myself and nice and compassionate, I'm not exactly known as the warmest blanket in the wardrobe. To the contrary, the moisture content of my blanket-like qualities have been called into question. I am well aware of this, and the realization of it isn't some epiphany that stuck me suddenly as if implanted by some supernatural force. No, it was the slow reveal.

You see, becoming jaded doesn't happen overnight. Somehow, over the course of years, you can forget how wonderful and awesome the world truly is. You can forget how to laugh at silly stuff. You can forget how to smile. It's true. At some point, it was cool to be a little stoic...a little unaffected by the world around you. Maybe it happened when I was searching for my identity in my late teens...you know, it was the 90s. I grew up watching media heroes such as Fox Mulder and Kurt Cobain go through life with an aloof and cold demeanor. There seemed to be no simple joys or silliness in their life. Perhaps I subconsciously emulated these media role-models. Maybe it was my becoming disillusioned with the things that used to bring me joy. Or perhaps it was the Southern culture, where when you ask how someone is doing, it is followed by a loooong sigh, a "Well....", and then a list of all the terrible things in their life, like maybe old so-and-so's kid got hooked on Meth. Hell, maybe it was the loss of Santa Clause or Optimus Prime. I can't really say, but whenever or whatever happened, at some point, I forgot how to smile.

Fast forward 20 years.

The last two years, as outlined in previous blogs, has been something of an upheaval in everything that I knew in my life. I gave up drinking. I decided to live a life without material importance. I took up Zen practices. I sold my house. I lost a ton of weight. I got more healthy. I became of vegetarian. But all of that change didn't help me hold onto something that was more important to me than anything.

The end of a relationship is like the death of a close friend or relative...it's all about how you choose to deal. The Southern Baptist culture I grew up in would deal with it in the most morose and joyless way possible, the Baptist funeral...which always turned into a hell and brimstone sermon, urging all to turn before they end up like the poor fool in the coffin. To the contrary, the Irish celebrate the passing of a loved one by celebrating their life with a wake...a sometimes multiple day party where the pain is washed away by booze and laughter. For these two groups, it's a choice of how they want to deal. So here I am, having gone through the most amazingly transformative period of my life, only to have the one thing that truly mattered disappear. How would I deal with this?

You know those stages of grief you hear about: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance? I hit every branch of that tree on my quick journey to Acceptance, and every one hurt. But I quickly realized that I had a choice...dwell in one of shitty stages or get right to the part that allows me to move on. I could crawl up into a corner in a fetal position, or I could get on with it.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

It brings to mind a bit of pop psychology you are all probably familiar with, which is probably my most hated statement in history "How's that working out for you?" In the past, if you said that to me, my eyes would drop a piano on your head, but only after they kicked you in the baby-makers. I always felt it was such a condescending, smart-ass way to approach someone who's trying to be open up with you. Yeah, yeah. Tough love and all that. I get it. But it still pissed me off. But as it turns out, it's kinda true. How WAS my attitude working out for me? It was sucking ass, thank you. But I'm a firm believer that every breath you take is an opportunity to turn it all around. This was that breath. It just took getting hit in the solar plexus to find it.

So I chose a new path...a radical path for me. Not only would I deal with my loss, but I'd leapfrog straight to another huge life-changing plan of action: BE POSITIVE. SMILE. SEE THE AWESOME IN EVERYTHING. Unlike my jaded, unaffected outlook of the past which had years to take hold, this new path would be implemented immediately. It's been a bumpy transition and it's possible that it hasn't even been noticed by many around me, but dammit if deciding to see the world a different way doesn't eventually help you to do it in reality. If you believe in something long enough, it becomes truth to you. I don't know if I could pass a polygraph, but I can smile.

So since making this decision, life has certainly sucked less of the afore-mentioned ass. I'm reconnecting with many old friends and making new ones at a staggering pace. I still have bad days and bad moments, but I'm smiling and laughing again, more than ever. I admit, sometimes I'm smiling when I want to scream. But it's a process, and with the support of friends, it's all taking root. One of the most amazing things I've found in this process is the following video and blog, 1000 Awesome Things. Do yourself a favor and watch this TED talk by the author, Neil Pasricha.

"Stay Positive" logo by Decoder Ring

Comments

[Beth]

I love this. Virtually hugging and high-five-ing you from here. b

[Nolen]

Aw. Thanks Beth! I'm always inspired by your candid and moving blog posts. You are like my Blog Hero. That should be a game. You know, have a timeline and rhythm to keep up with as you endeavor to work Wordpress and keyword tagging for all it's worth. If you tilt your keyboard up, you get all electrified with super bonus powers. It would kinda rule. META POWER!